God Wants Us to Submit Our Social Life
(from the Book of James)
 Do You Fit In?
All of us, young or old, struggle with our ability and desire to be part of something. Sometimes this desire leads us to be part of a clique. This is especially true in junior high and high school, but it sure carries over into our adult lives as we try to find our social niche at work and play. Let’s face it, we've all either been part of a clique, or rejected by one. God has something to say about favoritism and cliques:
 1 Peter 1:17
And remember that your heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites when he judges
We all have this desire to belong. That desire has been given to us by God who wants us to remember that we belong to him. He does not discriminate, but loves all of us, in spite of our differences:
Ephesians 1:13
And because of what Christ did, all you others too, who heard the Good News about how to be saved, and trusted Christ, were marked as belonging to Christ.
My Life, My Problems
It’s your life, and your life comes with it’s own set of problems. When it comes to cliques and social pressures, the issue is this: We all want to belong to something. The Book of James has some very practical information that we can look at to understand what life might be like if we lived it God’s way instead our own way.
James 2:8, 9
yes indeed it is good when you obey our Lord's command, 'you must love and help your neighbors just as much as you love and take care of yourself.' but you are breaking this law of our Lord's when you favor the rich and fawn over them: it is sin
Why in our effort to belong, do we treat some people as if they were our enemies? You know that we all favor some while we shun others. Why do we do this? Is it because we don’t realize that our indifference is painful? Or is it because we don’t understand the true nature of an enemy?
 Realizing That Indifference is Painful:
Try to take a minute and list all the ways that we typically treat an enemy. The list may include:
Putting them down whenever possible
Giving them dirty looks
Plotting vengeance against them
Wishing the worst for them
Hoping they die a slow painful death (maybe that’s a bit extreme)
Or simply ignoring them
Do you realize that ignoring people is a strategy that we often reserve for our enemies, yet we often find ourselves doing this to people we hardly know or don’t really know at all? When we do this, we treat them like an enemy. Indifference is a tactic used against enemies and God does not want us to use it against the children he is trying to call into the kingdom.
James 2:9
But if you treat some people better than others, you have done wrong, and the scriptures teach that you have sinned
 Understanding the True Definition of Enemy:
Most of us think of enemies of a classic nature. your know, the Road Runner has Wile E. Coyote, and Luke Skywalker has Darth Vader, but the reality is that we have a tendency to divide up all of our acquaintances into two categories: those we will socialize with and those we won’t. When we do that, we are treating them like friends or like enemies. There is really no middle ground here. Would you really want to be treated like that?
My Life Lived His Way
Ready for a change? Want to try living life the way that God designed it to be lived? The first key to dealing with cliques is to eliminate your enemies. You cannot satisfy your desire to belong to those you do like, by alienating those you don’t
True Respect and True Love
Our desire to belong is matched only by our desire to be respected. God understands that need and has commanded us to show respect to others:
1 Peter 2:17
Show respect for everyone. Love Christians everywhere. Fear God and honor the government.
Respecting people simply means making the effort to honor them enough that we are not indifferent to their existence. We respect them enough to see that they are human beings with the same desires and hope and fears that we have. Respect means having to reach out to others.
If you want an illustration of our inherent desire to group together, honoring and respecting some while ignoring and disrespecting others, you don’t have to look much farther than a church services. Ever notice how people sit in clusters? Maybe a lady comes with her husband and his best friends, and they sit together. Maybe three neighbors come and sit together. Maybe a boyfriend and a girlfriend come and sit next to each other and see someone they know from school, so the move to that area of the auditorium. Then someone comes in by themselves and sits all alone in a section of the theater. Everyone knows that this person is new, yet no one makes any effort to reach out and connect. That, my friends, is simply disrespectful. It is NOT in the nature of God. Look at what Paul says to the Corinthians:
2 Corinthians 6:12
Any coldness still between us is not because of any lack of love on my part but because your love is too small and does not reach out to me and draw me in.
My Life, My Problems
When it comes to cliques and social relationships, yet another issue is this: we all want to be respected. Let’s go back to James for more help:
James 2:1-4
Dear brothers, how can you claim that you belong to the Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, if you show favoritism to rich people and look down on poor people? if a man comes into your church dressed in expensive clothes and with valuable gold rings on his fingers, and at the same moment another man comes in who is poor and dressed in threadbare clothes, and you make a lot of fuss over the rich man and give him the best seat in the house and say to the poor man, 'you can sit over there if you like or else you can sit on the floor' -well, judging a man by his wealth shows that you are guided by wrong motives.
Why is it so hard to be respectful and non-judgmental? Is it because we are trapped by our biases? Or is it because we are so selfish and prideful?
Dealing With Our Biases:
Go to Luke 10:25 - 10:37 on your own and read the story of the Good Samaritan. Now do your best to answer these questions:
Why did the expert in the law ask ‘who is my neighbor’?
Do you think he had a bias and was trying to make himself feel better?
The first priest had a priestly duty to help the fallen man. Why did he fail to do so? What was his possible bias?
The second Levite also had a duty and paused to look at the man. What was his bias?
Finally a despised Samaritan came by. Samaritans definitely had a bias against Jews but he stopped and helped. How could he do this? What can we learn from this so that we can also overcome our bias with people?
God is calling us to lose our bias and reach out in respect to each other:
James 2:1
If you have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, you won’t treat some people better than others
Dealing With Our Pride:
Return to Luke 10:25 to 10:37 and re-read the story of the Good Samaritan. Now answer some of the same questions from a different perspective:
Why did the expert in the law ask ‘who is my neighbor’? Do you think he had pridefully separated himself from this group?
The first priest had a priestly duty to help the fallen man. Why did he fail to do so? Could pride have been a factor?
The second Levite also had a duty and paused to look at the man. How did his pride get in the way?
Finally a despised Samaritan came by. Samaritans despised Jews, but he stopped and helped. How could he do this? How did he have to deal with his pride?
My Life Lived His Way
Ready for a change? Want to try living life the way that God designed it to be lived? The second key to dealing with cliques is to restore the respect you have for others. God is calling you to be like Him by demonstrating His fairness and justice in the way you love and respect others.
To Be the Same, Inside and Out
We all hate it when we see people who say one thing and then do another. That kind of hypocricy drives us crazy. God hates it too:
Titus 2:7
In everything set them an example by doing what is good in your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us
Do a search on the internet and take a quick look at three people who rose to incredible heights, only to have integrity problems that debilitated their ministries and careers. Look at the lives of Jimmy Swaggart, Martha Stewart, and William Bennett. We could make an even longer list if we wanted. People often find themselves living lives that are in direct opposition to their beliefs.
My Life, My Problems
When it comes to cliques, we all have yet another desire: we all wan to have integrity. But that’s easier said than done! Let’s go back to James for more help:
James 2:14-17
Dear brothers, what's the use of saying that you have faith and are Christians if you aren't proving it by helping others? Will that kind of faith save anyone? If you have a friend who is in need of food and clothing, and you say to him, 'well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat hearty,' and then don't give him clothes or food, what good does that do? So you see, it isn't enough just to have faith. You must also do good to prove that you have it. Faith that doesn't show itself by good works is no faith at all-it is dead and useless.
Why is it so easy to live a life of hypocrisy? Is it because we respond first to our own selfish desire and succumb to our selfishness? Or is it because we like to sound good in front of others, and are too lazy to follow through?
Dealing With Our Selfish Desire:
take time right now to pray that God will help you strip away your selfish desires and reach out to others even when it does not serve you
Dealing With Our Desire To Look Good:
take time right now to pray that God will prevent us from pridefully saying we believe in things that we don’t actually do
My Life Lived His Way
Ready for a change? Want to try living life the way that God designed it to be lived? The third key to dealing with cliques is to hate your own hypocrisy. God wants you to reflect his perfect nature by being careful to treat people in a manner that reflects your faith
Healing a Hurt and Moving On
Many of us have already been hurt by the judgment of others. We found ourselves outside the clique, looking in, and that hurts. God understands your pain:
2 Timothy 2:16
Steer clear of foolish discussions that lead people into the sin of anger with each other things will be said that will burn and hurt for a long time to come
How can we move on and recover from the pain of being excluded from a clique or group? We often simply try to forget about how we have been treated and many advisors would recommend this strategy. Simply move on. But God knows that the only way you will recover from this kind of pain is through an act of remembrance. You must remember the event just long enough to forgive. Forgiveness is the key to all long term healing. Sometimes you will have to almost force yourself to move toward forgiveness. But when it is tough, remember that you and I also have a lot to be forgiven for:
Colossians 3:13
Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others
My Life Lived His Way
Ready for a change? Want to try living life the way that God designed it to be lived? The fourth key to dealing with cliques is to find a way to forgive. Forgiveness is at the heart of God’s nature. To be like Him, the ‘forgiven’ must also be ‘forgiving’. What would happen if I lived my life the way that God wanted me to live it? Imagine a life in which there were no cliques. No favorites. No prejudice. No loneliness. a life like that is possible if only we would develop a heart like God. But most importantly, we have to move toward action and beyond feeling. It’s not enough to say that we have faith if we are not living as though that were true. | 
