God Wants Us to Submit Our Family Life

(from the Book of James)

 
Do You Have a Perfect Family?
We all have a dream of what a perfect family should look like. God also has an idea of what the perfect family would look like:

 
1 Peter 3:8
You should be like one big happy family, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds

 
The reality is that none of us have a perfect family. But God gave us our families, just as they are, for a specific purpose, and we have responsibilities as His children to take care of our family relationships.

 
1 Timothy 5:8
But anyone who won’t care for his own relatives when they need help, especially those living in his own family, has no right to say he is a Christian. Such a person is worse than a heathen

 
My Life, My Problems
It’s your life, and your life comes with it’s own set of problems. But, the Book of James has some very practical information that we can look at to understand what life might be like if we lived it God’s way instead our own way.

 
James 1:2-4, and James 1:12
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything… blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

 
Sometimes it feels like we truly have to ‘endure’ situations within our family. That’s true for each and every one of us. Think for a second. What is hardest thing about ‘enduring’ in your family? Is it the difficulty of trying to see the positions of other people in your family, or is it the difficulty of trying to develop a true concern for what they feel?

 
The difficulty of trying to see the position of other people in your family:
we have to remember that in every situation in our family, there are always two or more views present at the same time. All of us come at situations from a different perspective, and we all see things differently. It’s like an optical illusion that looks different to each person who looks at it, depending on what you want to see. Are you committed to trying to see the position of other people in your family?

 
1 Corinthians 1:10
You must learn to be considerate of one another, cultivating a life in common

 
The difficulty of trying to develop genuine concern for the position of others:
Even if you do understand the viewpoint of other people in your family, you still may not have the compassion necessary to care about what they think. But this is such an important part of the transformed Christian life. Why do we treat kittens in our family better than we treat siblings or parents? If a kitten completely destroyed something in your room after you’ve already disciplined it for doing something similar before, we find the heart to be kind. We are able to see the fragile nature of the kitten’s life and develop compassion rather than wrath. Why can’t we do that with our siblings and parents? They are just as fragile, and tender in the eyes of God.

 
Ephesians 4:2 to 4:3
Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Try always to be led along together by the Holy Spirit and so be at peace with one another.

 
Honoring God Means Honoring Your Family
If we ever hope to learn how to see the viewpoint of others in our family and develop a true concern for them, we are going to have to learn how to honor them and love them. First you have to start by seeing that they are human too, with their own frailties and doubts and fears.

 
Romans 15:1
We must be considerate of the doubts and fears of others, if we do what helps them, we will build them up in the Lord

 
When I was in the Los Angeles sheriff’s academy, I had several drill instructors that seemed less than human. They required perfection. They were true task masters. I really had no personal relationship with them while I was at the academy. They seemed super human and very demanding. I was often angry with them. But after the academy was over, they let down their guard and revealed their true human nature to me. Once I was able to see them as the frail and fallible humans that they were, I was able to relate to them much better. I must admit that my relationship with my own father is very similar. it did not truly grow until I was a teenager and took the time to see him as a simple man with common fears. God is calling us to take the time to see our parents and siblings as the men and women, boys and girls that he created. Each with their own set of doubts and concerns, just like us.

My Life Lived His Way
The first key to transforming your family life is to have consideration for others. Consideration involves compassion, sympathy, empathy and forgiveness. It won’t always be easy, but when you are struggling in your family life, ask yourself these simple questions: “Am I being considerate of other in my family?” “Why would God require me to be considerate, even when others are not?” “Why would he put me in a family like this?”

 
When you love those who deserve your wrath, you start to understand the nature and heart of God

 
My Life, My Problems
When it comes to families, many of us have tried to do things our own way and have encountered a number of difficulties. Let’s go back to James for more help:

 
James 1:19-20 and James 1:26
My dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires…if anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

 
Why is it so hard to talk to our families in a godly way? Is it because we are so familiar with them that we don’t show them our best, most formal effort? Or is it simply because we all have such a difficult past history together that it’s hard to get beyond that?

 
Dealing With Our “Over-Familiarity”:
Have you asked God to help you with this problem of ‘over-familiarity’? Pray this prayer:

 
“Father, I know I need to take the time to develop better relationships in my family. Help me Father to renew my family relationships. I know I often treat strangers better than I treat my own family. I also know that my words are often harshest when dealing with those that I am closest to. Please help me to treat my family as those they we honored guests, rather than unimportant nuisances.”

 
You may not think it is possible to renew your family relationships, but God is the renewer of all things:

 

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.

 
Dealing With The Difficult History of Our Family:
Have you ever asked God to help you overcome the difficult history you may have with some of the people in you family? Pray this prayer:

 
“God, you know the past and what I have gone through in my family. Sometimes it’s hard to forget about all the harsh things that have been said or done. Please develop within me a forgiving heart that also forgets. Give me the strength and wisdom to move forward in my relationships at home, leaving our difficult pasts behind as much as possible.”

 
Do you really understand the power and importance of forgiveness? We need God to forgive us, but that is only possible if we are willing to forgive others:

 
Matthew 6:14
Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who sin against you

 
Our Words Provide Life or Death
Perhaps the biggest key to developing strong family relationships lies in our ability to talk with one another. God says this stuff matters:

 
Ephesians 4:29
Don't use bad language. Say only what is good and helpful to those you are talking to, and what will give them a blessing.

 
Take a hard look at your family and how you communicate with each member. Use a blank piece of paper and write your name in the middle. Now write the names of all the other members of your family around the edges of the paper, circling your name. Now think about how you relate and communicate with each of these people. Draw a line to connect you with each member on the page, according to how you communicate. If you both have open communication, draw a straight line with an arrow at both ends. But if one of you is always open to communicate, but the other is not, draw an arrow in the direction of the open communication and leave an ‘x’ at the end where there is none. If neither of you is willing to communicate, draw a straight line with an ‘x’ at both ends. Finally, if you communicate with a member of your family, but all the communication is in the form of fighting, draw a jagged line to connect you with arrows at both ends.

This diagram is the blueprint to all your family problems. Your family is like a machine, a system that operates at a certain level based on the ‘wiring’ of communication between each member. If you want to change the dynamics of this system, and create a new machine, you simply have to re-wire it with better lines of communication!

 
My Life Lived His Way
The second key to transforming your family life is to communicate with others. Communication is the key to relationships. If you want these family relationships to improve, you are going to have to take the time to listen and speak kindly. Why would God require me to develop communication skills, even when others don’t? Why would he put me in a family like this? When you have control of your words, you have control of your heart, and you become an effective tool in the hands of God. Let’s go back to James for more help:

 
James 1:22-25
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does.

 
Why is it so hard to live what we believe? Is it because we are so fallen by our very nature, or is it because our faith is so shallow and needs strengthening?

 
Dealing With Our Fallen Nature:
Take time right now to pray that God will give you the power to control your fallen sinful nature, and live out your faith in a real way

Dealing With Our Shallow Faith:
Take time right now to pray that God will deepen your spiritual walk and ignite a fire in your life to help you live your faith in a real way

 
Going Long and Staying Focused
When dealing with our families, it’s important to realize that we are called to commit ourselves to the relationships that have been given to us by God:

 
1 Corinthians 9:24
In a race everyone runs, but only one person gets first prize. so run your race to win. to win the contest you must deny yourselves many things that would keep you from doing your best.

 
Have you noticed that there are many things that we are committed to? How many of these are truly important? I can remember some time ago being very committed to getting tickets to the Matrix – Reloaded, when it first hit the theaters. I spent hours scouting the theater and I bought the tickets days before the opening. Then I got there early and waited in line. All that for an event that lasted a couple of hours. I’ve also been committed to exercising and to sports at different times in my life, but these too are short term endeavors that don’t last a lifetime. I’ve been committed to my job and to friendships, but neither of these will last a lifetime either. yet I am often less than committed to maintaining and developing the relationships in my family, and these last a lifetime whether I like it or not. Start developing your commitment toward those things that last the longest.

But What If My Family Is a Place of True Abuse?
God would never ask you to be committed to a place of danger, and for a very few of us, our families are so dysfunctional that they are actually dangerous places to be. That’s why there is something that god wants you to be committed to that even takes priority over your family. God wants you to be committed to HIM.

 
Matthew 10:37
If you love your father and mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.

 
The Third Key to Transforming Your Family Life
You must have commitment toward God. God wants you to be committed to Him first, but he knows that in order to do that and to obey his desire for your life, you are also going to have to reflect His love and commitment toward your family. Why would God require me to be committed to Him and to my family, even when others aren’t? Why would he put me in a family like this?

 
If you can learn about commitment know, in this life, you can start to understand the nature of eternity

 
What Would Happen If I lived My Life the Way that God Wanted Me to Live It?
Imagine a family life in which relationships were supportive, rather than destructive. Imagine a family that reflected God’s love and forgiveness. Imagine a family that had and open ear and an open heart to calm our doubts and fears. Imagine a family that was committed to eternity. That’s the family that God wants for you if you are willing to live your life God’s way.